Happy anniversary!

Happy 7th anniversary IHOP-KC! IHOP has now officially been going 24/7 for 7 years now. I feel that we are here at a strategic time in the heart and plan of God. Dale (Internship director) told us that from the beginning.. that the entire staff felt the excitement and anticipation during this season, and that God calling us to KC for such a time as this was no accident. He told us that on day one, but I didn't feel it, didn't connect to it. I'm a stranger in this strange land. I wasn't around when it started. I don't have a history with this place and the people here. I don't understand how far they've come and what they've endured. I look, see polished musicians and a well organized system and want that for St. Louis, but I have no idea the journey and process that's gone into it. But for these past few days, I've laughed harder than I have in a long time. I've entered into the celebration and the community. I've connected with the stories of the early days.

I've also realized that familiar hope blazing hot inside me again. Someday, I want to joke in front of hundreds of people about the way Nate used to go back and forth from the stage as a worship leader to the sound booth in IHOP St. Louis. I'd close my eyes in worship, and when I'd open them again, Nate was gone. I'd look back, there he was doing sound. I'd close my eyes again, and then he'd be on stage. Someday I want to tell about those humble beginnings, and I long to say that the fire on the alter in St. Louis has not gone out for 7 years. It's got to happen. St. Louis has prophetic history too. It's got to happen. That longing comes and it wanes. I yearn and then I doubt and then I believe and then I wonder. But seriously: is it the heart of God to have night and day worship in St. Louis. With out a doubt. And He will make a way. Hearing more of IHOP-KC's history over the past few days has cemented that in a way for me. We are no different than they were. We just named it "IHOP" sooner than they did. It will happen.

These past three days have been feast days. We've celebrated as a community with food, a whole lot of laughter, and many stories. Our schedules have been crazy, and because of such I'm longing for some more time in the prayer room. But it's been so good. I am so thankful to be here. I keep saying that, but I don't want to stop. I want gratitude to be in my heart daily. I don't want to take this opportunity for granted. We get to be here. We get to soak. We get to learn. Yesterday we opened Christology class by spontaneous singing and singing in the Spirit. We actually didn't open anything. God just broke in. Took over completely for an hour. Wrecked Alan's teaching plans. Wrecked our expectations of the syllabus. Wrecked everything. It was amazing. People started singing random hymns and songs, completely acapella. Sweet, sweet stuff. The more He feeds me the more I hunger. We pondered the incarnation today. Alan says "we're going to cover the divinity and the humanity of Christ today". I think yeah right. We won't get through all of that. We do, but not in the way I thought. There was no philosophical reasoning about it. He gave us no answers. He just asked questions. What was it like for Mary to look at her son, who was the Son of God, and see that He had her cheekbones? The Bible says Jesus grew in wisdom. So He wasn't born with full wisdom. He grew in it, fully human while fully God. What was that like? It's amazing to think about!

I just want to thank everyone who is making this opportunity a reality for us. Through prayer and finances, you are making a huge difference in our lives. And even though we're not leading anything right now, the seeds that are being planted WILL bear fruit in our ministry in the years to come. We need to be grounded here before we can go forward. It is so crucial. So thank you, thank you, thank you! May God richly pay you back! :)

My thoughts

~Kevin~
I am learning how to pray. This week is the 7 year celebration. This week is going to be crazy, but I can see the Lord's work in this. Before I got here I thought that the whole 24/7 was easy but the more I am here I am realizing that it takes humble people and alot of the work of the spirit. I am just making sure I do not take it for granted.

I just want to say my heart longs for the day when St. Louis would have the same 24/7 worship and prayer. I look forward to the day when the fire never goes out on the alter.

God Bless

Young Worshipers

~Sarah~

Hadessah is a worshiper. It's not just what she does, but who she is. Every night for my 40+ weeks of pregnancy, we prayed for God to knit a heart of worship within her even as He was knitting the details of her frame. It didn't take too long to tell that God had honored our request for her. With her "dancer toes" and "piano fingers" , with her adoration of worship music and her delight in watching others dance, wave flags, jump up and down, etc. we know she enters in.

Some may think that she's too young to really worship. How can you tell if a one-year-old is engaged in worship and not just enjoying the show? How can you tell if she's not just raising her hands because everyone else is raising her hands? She's a baby! How can she worship?

How young is too young to enter into your destiny in God? If Jesus can command the very rocks to cry out to Him, can He not illicit praise from an infant? Where's the cut of? Can a child worship at 3 or 7? Where do you draw the line if not from birth... from conception even?

Since we've come here, we've been praying for Hadessah to step back into that destiny of worship. In Stl., she loved to wave her streamer, watch the kids dance, bend her knees in her version of a dance. Here there are no kids with flags. She has shown virtually no interest in her streamers. She's seemed so tired during worship, and sometimes fussy, which is unlike her. So we've been praying for God to open that door to her again. We know she is a worshiper whether she particiaptes right now or not. It's who she is deep down. It's how God has fashioned her. And we want her to operate in that NOW, not when she's "old enough".

Last night I believe our little girl had a breakthrough in worship. Now, she's been raising her hands for a while now. Several months. If someone says the name "Jesus" or if someone says "praise the Lord" sometimes, not always but often, her hands shot up. And then she anxiously looks around with a "I did a good thing right mom? right dad?" kind of look on her face. She's wanted attention, confirmation. We try not to clap for her, but to raise our hands too and praise Jesus so she knows it's a good thing with out thinking it's all about her. We've tried really hard (meaning it's hard!) to assure that she's not growing up thinking worship is all about her. We try to face her out and give her little attention during worship. Not that we ignore her; we just don't play with her during worship time. We focus on God and try and help her enter in to that too. We try to avoid "oh your so cute" comments and actions. We try to steer her focus from herself to Him.

Last night, at one point her hands shot up and they didn't come down for the entire duration of worship, except to clap her hands. And the great thing was, she was lifting her hands when no one else was, and she wasn't looking to us for approval. She was engrossed> This morning too, she spent the duration of worship clapping and lifting her hands in joy! Worshiping along side hundreds of strangers is awesome. A touch of Heaven. I love it. But worshiping next to my daughter is truly a blessing. And the great thing was that no one was watching (except for us). No one made any "she's so cute" comments.

We're hoping and praying that this continues. In worship lies the ability to touch the very heart of God. We're all called to it. We'll all spend eternity engaged in it. But we don't all enter into it as we could. Worshipers are in love. Worshipers pray. Worshipers evangelise. Worshipers soak up His word. Worshipers mature in love. Worshipers have joy. Worshipers have the proper fear of the Lord and enter into holiness. Whether they can play and instrument or not, whether they can sing, whether or not they can dance with out tripping over themselves, the Word says He's on the lookout for them. Worshipers who worship Him in spirit and truth. His eyes are searching. May they fall on me. May they fall on Des. May they fall on you.

I don't know what Hadessah can understand right now. But knowing God isn't about understanding concepts. God created us to know Him. As a child, with out the fear of man getting in the way, she can know Him. She can love Him. She can worship Him. As she grows in understanding, her love for Him will mature. But it's never to early to intercede for her destiny in worship. It's worth fighting for. And it challenges me to set a good example for her, to worship wholeheartedly myself with out fear of man. When I don't quite feel like entering in, and I look at her entering in, I find the endurance to get over myself and set my eyes on the Eternal One. And it's always so, so good. Always.

GBF week

~Sarah~

This coming up week, we get a break from classes and routine. It doesn't seem that we've been at it long enough to get a break, but it's the first Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of the month which means it's time for the Global Bridegroom Fast. The premise of this is that for the first three work days of the month the entire IHOP community abandons regular routine and comes together to give the firstfruits of thier month to God. All the staff attends the 10 am and 4 pm intercession meetings together and takes part in some form of fasting. When we give the firstfruits of our month to God, we are more productive the rest of the month.

Let me say that I've never fasted at my origional intention. I've dabbled in fasting here and there, but in the end I ate more (or listened more or watched more... not just about food) than I was intending, and prayed less than I was intending. Even the fast I did for Cleansing Ministry... what I would consider my most "successful" fast was less than I was wanting to do. I am so glad that God's view of success in such things is more merciful than mine. If He looked at David's life, Abraham's life, etc. and declared "steady and faithful" over them, even when my only Slimfast shake fast turns into any kind of shakes plus soup and crackers, I truly believe He is not angrily hovering over me yelling "unsteady! unfaithful!". I'm on my way. I've set my heart to this journey. Right now, being pregnant, God is saving me from the sort of hyper-spiritualism that I'm so prone to. I cannot vow to God that I will only drink water for those 3 days. But there are a lot of little indulgences I hang onto that I can let go of. Can I find my solace in winding down after a busy day by sitting quietly before Him instead of diving into a novel? Can I find the flavor of life in Him instead of in salt and sugar? There are many things, though they seem small and "unspiritual" to me that I can set aside in order to persue Him more.

The wonderful thing about fasting that I've found is that the more I fast, the less I have to fast. Meaning this. I started fasting the radio for two weeks over two years ago. I have not listened to the radio since. In fasting the radio, I found how much better life was with out it and I didn't want to go back. Although I have watched tv since our 40 day fast of it, I watch it about 1/20th the amount of time I used to. Weeks and weeks go by with out the tv going on. It used to be on at least 3 hours a day. For the noise if not for the entertainment. By fasting tv, it lost it's pull on me. Life is better with out it. Same with ice cream after dinner. It seems like each time I fast, my options are more limited in that there are less distractions to get rid of. Don't get me wrong, at this point there are many distractions. When I'm not pregnant or nursing, food will definitely be one of them. But for now, I can focus on my choices of foods. And in those things that seem little, but have a big pull on my heart.

I'm trying to keep in my mind that it's a marathon I'm running and not a sprint. A fasted lifestyle, not just a fast. In coming here, we've fasted a lot of things. We're fasting a car, a dishwasher, a washing machine and drier, an extra bedroom, a steady paycheck, family, friends, the comfort of knowing how to get where we want to go, a pool, etc. And yet already I'm discovering those things that I thought would be a big deal really aren't. An inconvience in many instances, but far from a big deal. I went up to ask Dale about fasting when pregnant. He said two things. #1. Pregnancy itself is a kind of fast. There's many things you give up while you're pregnant. Just turn those motivations around and seek Him in them. #2. Why are you asking me? Ask God. (He didn't say it exactly like that) Oh yeah. I knew that.

Perhaps one reason my fasts have never measured up in my opinion is that I've tried to jump from point A to point Y. Okay, I've never fasted before, but I'm going to fast everything but water for a week. I haven't wanted to take baby steps. I've been embarrased by my immaturity. I've had the wrong view about fasting. I've wanted to impress God with my zeal. I wanted to blow Him away and really make Him think He did good when He choose to save me. In reality, that's not what fasting is about. The bridegroom fast is a type of morning for lack of His presence. It earns us nothing. Impresses no one. Does not qualify us for brownie points of any kind. It's a cry of " I love You" and "I want to love You more". Lou Engle has broken more fasts than I have. Why? Because he's not as faithful as me? Ha! He's been at it awhile. When you start working out, you try out the 5 or 10 pound weights and work yourself up. Only I've tried in the spirit to bench press 100 pounds in so many different areas. And I get frustrated. I think I've failed God and myself. The faithful aren't those who can benchpress the most. They're the ones who started out with the little weights and kept at it, day after day.

So, I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm maturing in Him, though I wish I was maturing faster. He delights in each new skill I master, just as Kevin and I take such pleasure in Hadessah each time she learnes something new. We're not frustrated and embarrased that she can't talk in complete sentences. We're not hiding her in the corner because she can't dance around the room. We applaud each and every step in maturity. Each sound. Each word. Each action. They bring joy to our hearts. God is like that with me. He's not embarrased of me because I can't fast better or don't pray as much as the guy over there. He delights in my every step, because I am not just sitting and wishing. I'm walking on this journey. I'm running in the race. I've set my heart to know Him. I'm competing for the crown. And He is overjoyed.